Welcome back to our popular segment, “Ask the Expectation Coach” with Expectation Coach and local author Larry Armstead II.
Our question this month comes from Instagram follower Laura who asks, “How do I share my story or trauma from a place of healing and learning rather than a place of sounding like a victim?”
This is a good one, because I always thought telling your story was coming from a place of healing?
Believe it or not, Gretchin, many of the times when we tell our stories of what we’ve gone through or what has happened to us, we are telling it from a place of victimization.
On some level, we are looking for someone to sympathize and empathize with you, pat you on the back, and say ‘I’m so sorry that happened to you!’
This comforts us because we become accustomed and addicted to the feeling of sympathy.
When telling your story, always be aware of where you’re coming from–what are you hoping will occur as a result of telling this story?
Are you hoping to feel better about it by letting it out and talking about it?
Does that talking about it make you feel like, even for a moment, that you have control over it?
Truth is, the recounting of the story oftentimes just perpetuates the drama around it and leaves us feeling anxious and powerless.
Here are two things you can do when you’re sharing…ask yourself: ‘Why am I sharing this?’ And pause.
If you find that you’re trying to make yourself feel better, you’re trying to control it.
Instead, observe your story so you can shift its focus.
Number two: once you’ve asked yourself “why”, exchange the anxious, powerless, controlling thoughts for positive ones: ‘I made it!’ ‘I am good enough!’ ‘I have everything I need!’
This awareness will begin to shape a brand new reality for you and shift you into healing.
Amazing advice, I think this is something everyone could stand to do!
If you’d like to have your question answered by Larry, you can reach him at his website larry-armstead.com or me at gironswevv.com.
We will see you next month!
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